"You're such a grandma"

Not related to passion but I needed to write these feelings out of my spirit. 

FOMO - fear of missing out - it's a big thing thanks to social media. It's 6:30 am on a Saturday and I'm doing my usual scrolling before getting out of bed and starting my day.

I'm 24 years old. For some reason, when people use the phrase "act my age instead of like an old lady" something starts burning in my chest. Is it FOMO? Embarrassment? Shame? Am I ashamed that I don't remember the last time I was drunk? That I haven't had a drunk meal in 2 years? That I haven't blacked out in even longer? 

Yes, it does seem my peers, in general, have different values than I do at this point in life. And sometimes that makes me feel like I should be spending my evenings differently. But I don't WANT to be out late, I don't have any desire to get drunk. (Those headaches, I don't care to ever have one again) My goals and my idea of fun are just different, now. 

I came here to write out my feelings so I could let go of that negativity before starting my day. But also for any other 20-somethings that feel they're being called a loser or a grandma for how they spend their weekends. I did enough drinking for us both in this lifetime, there are no memories in alcohol. Get out and live, absolutely. But "living" does not equal alcohol on Friday and Saturday night. For me? It's spending quality time with my boyfriend and exploring new places together. For you? It could be family game night... Dinner with friends... Girls weekend.

Define your life however you want. Then live it to your fullest. No one is "cool" and owning your unique journey doesn't make you old, it makes you wise. 

Happy weekend y'all 

Passion Report

Somehow, whether through studying passion, or just organically progressing through my journey, I have managed to flip a switch. It is now so much easier for me to focus on the positive things, change the things I CAN and let go of the things that I cannot.

 

Little things that would have normally set me off have been diminished. I see life’s beauty EVERYWHERE. I see people yearning for the future, and I just choose right now. I see posts about ugh, another Monday. And I think YES another Monday, another fresh week, another fresh start. It took a bit of coercing my mind to adjust to this new way of doing things, don’t get me wrong, but life has become SO MUCH SWEETER since choosing to see the glass overflowing. I swear, when you choose to start emitting positive, you become a magnet for the good life.

 

And you’re right, my life is relatively carefree. I do not have kids, I have no horrible event to deal with in my life, knock on ALL the wood. But shitty things do go on. My older half-sister is an ongoing heroin addict who has lost her home and is very close to losing her life. My mom was just diagnosed pre-diabetic and the stress she puts on herself from my sister doesn’t bode well for her own health. Things have broken in my house, bills have been larger than expected, money gets tight. But the sun shines, there are forests to explore, there are rainbows to behold. (Good food to eat ;) ) The greatest weapon we have against negativity and worry and stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. It is that simple.

 

I want to be a positive force in this world, if nothing else. THAT will be my passion. That is what this month has taught me. I will be the passion.

XOX

PS

This weekend I will be setting my intentions and choosing my word for March!

Truth Bomb

“Finding your passion isn’t just about careers and money. It’s about finding your authentic self. The one you’ve buried beneath other people’s needs”

 

Just going to leave that right here.

Don't Quit Your Day Job, Kid

I will no longer use my day job as an excuse not to live my passions.

3 days a week, I roll out of bed and start my day at 4:30 am, I take advantage of my evenings and my weekends. My day job is what allows me to actively participate in my passions!

No, my career and my passion doesn’t align. But I will no longer allow the daily grind to be blamed for me sitting out on personal goals.

Ever since starting the Fit Girl’s Guide and becoming a healthier person, this has slowly been coming to fruition. I feel energetic and motivated and I know it’s because I am able to see the world with clearer and brighter eyes.

I am ready to live the happy and full life that I want to live.

And I won’t have to quit my day job ;)

XO

Passion Report

I have been concentrating more on being present and therefore open to participating in my passions. I have been living actively. Eating purely.
Spent the weekend in nature, it was a beautiful spring preview!


I have also come to the realization that adventures and spending time and money on being active and trying new things is much more important to me than random material possessions.
When I first bought my home, I had all of these ideas for decorating, and things need aesthetically updated. But the more I live my life in line with who I truly want to be? The less I care.


I keep my house clean (but lived in) and as far as drapes and curtains and decorations for every holiday? I just don't care. I want to spend that energy on things that will manifest within me and within the Universe.


So that is what I have been reflecting on and realizing since I last blogged!


XOX

Be the Passion

I googled “learning passion” to get some ideas for this week’s blog posts and that silly Google flipped the SCRIPT on me and returned all hits that were about having PASSION FOR LEARNING. Holy…… HELLO my passion for learning is HUGE. Why didn’t I realize that before 2 weeks into this month?

I loved school. I never didn’t love it. I was so excited to buy new text books and go to university classes. I genuinely MISS school. I miss text books, I miss learning new things every day. I still make it a point to learn new things every day, my curiosity is sometimes overwhelming, it always has been. I guess my curiosity is what always drove my love of learning… I don’t really remember a time when I just didn’t find it fun. At times, overwhelming and challenging, but mostly just really cool. CAN YOU TELL I AM A RAVENCLAW?!

 

Wondering if I could couple my love of learning with my new found love of health and fitness? Perhaps my next project?

2 weeks in and the one big thing I have noticed about passion?

Talking about it isn’t really DOING anything. Yes, it has helped me identify and uncover truths I had buried deep. Yes it has helped clear my mind. But passion has nothing to do with the mind and EVERYTHING to do with the heart!

From today forward my posts will be pretty short, the rest of my passion journey this month is going to be about DOING my passions. I will check in every day with what I did to take a step into my passion. Every single day I MUST do something I am passionate about or lay the tracks for something to come. No excuses. Every day until at least February 29^th.

"Clarity comes from engagement." And that is what I intend to spend the next 2 weeks on. Everything I do I will be fully present, I will bring my full self, I will BRING THE PASSION ;)

Let's Be Adventurers, Darling

This is going to be a slight tangent, but relevant nonetheless.

 

Travel is a big passion of mine and of a lot of people.

When I was younger I thought I would move away for college and never return, and then I went to school locally and studied abroad. It was wonderful, but it shifted my focus. I was so homesick. Appalachia is a very different environment to grow up in. We truly have been preserved by our mountains. When I say there is not a single Trader Joe’s or H&M in this entire state, would you believe me? Because it’s true. We aren’t overly commercialized. (Obviously good and bad to that, lots perceive this as "backward") We hold the door for strangers, and when someone holds the door for you, you say thank you. There isn’t “much to do”. I HATED IT HERE growing up. As I got older, as I went away more often, I realized… there is TRULY no place like HOME. Like my home. Like the rolling hills and the high mountaintops of Almost Heaven, West Virginia. I planted my roots and bought a home 10 minutes (we calculate distance in time here) from where I grew up. I’m one of THOSE people now. Do I still want to move? Yes. I do plan on moving once I have equity in this home and become more professionally and financially stable (SOUTH by the way, no more snow, please) But it was important to me to find my roots before I found my wings.

 

However, I am now able to take trips on the weekends. I am old enough to appreciate that there ARE things to do, I just have to search for them.

 

One of my great passions is travel. We have squared that away. But frequent travel just isn’t an option for my budget. Or is it? Do I need to go far? Aren’t there plenty of things that I take for granted all around me?

 

If I take nothing else away from my PASSION month, I want it to be to grow my passion for my immediate surroundings. To explore my state more. To adventure in my home state.

Yes, life is short. If you are truly unhappy where you are (location/career/relationship) you should make moves to change that. HOWEVER, make sure it is your situation that is what is making you unhappy and not YOU making you unhappy. Ouch, that's a bit harsh, Kaitlyn. But am I right or am I right? I want to learn to bloom right where I am planted. I want to see every silver lining, I want to cherish every day for the gift it is. I want to travel my own backyard and turn my spirit into the adventure, not the going. In essence, yes, I am changing my glasses to a rose golden hue. In my world it will officially be sunny and 75 every day because life is just too damn short.

XOXOX

I Heart Quizzes

Found this little questionnaire and some of the answers that bubbled to the surface actually surprised me....

Ready to get started?

 

Complete the following sentences without “over thinking” your answers. You may list multiple answers for each of the items below. Be sure to keep your responses focused only on the career/work aspects of your life:

 

1. In my free time, the activities or hobbies I like to do best are ...

Be in nature (hike, swim, kayak, etc.)

Cook

Exercise (specifically, dance!) and try new things

 

 

2. Whenever I go to a bookstore, the section(s) I always seem to be drawn to are ...

Fiction

Travel

 

 

3. My closest friends work in the following fields/businesses or professions ...

Education

Business

 

 

4. The kinds of environments I feel most comfortable working in are ...

Stable i.e. I know what is expected of me each day

 

 

5. My friends/colleagues/family have often told me that I should be a ...

Restaurant owner

Lawyer

Travel writer

 

 

6. The things that have always motivated me most are ...

Myself. I am internally driven by personal goals

$$$$$$$$ also, money. Or any item of monetary value that I seek.

 

 

7. I have often been praised for my work in ...

Quick learning

I guess I don’t get praised often lol

 

 

8. If I were to get involved in volunteer work, I’d like to work in the field of ...

Empowering women

Elementary care

 

 

9. I love to ...

EDIT: I originally read this as "I WOULD love to" and wrote the following answers
Make a positive impact on the Universe

Travel more

Be a book editor


I love to....
Travel/ Adventure
Make meaningful connections
Laugh
Try new things

 

 

10. I am passionate about ...

Travel

Empowering women

Health/Fitness

Social Rights (animal/LGBT/women)

 

 

11. I am excited about ...

Life in general. Learning to focus on silver linings and make every day special.

 

 

12. What I really like is ...

Traveling…

Food..

Books..

 

 

13. My greatest contribution is ...

Working hard

Keeping a positive attitude

 

 

14. I am particularly good at ...

Guesswork (seriously, it’s weird but I am a truly excellent guesser)

Working efficiently

Spelling/grammar and editing

 

 

15. I am known for ...

Being bookish/nerdy/smart

 

 

16. I have an exceptional ability to ...

Feel people out through my intuition

Stay motivated

 

 

17. Colleagues often ask for my help with ...

Listening to their personal stories/ problems

Picking up when they are falling behind

 

 

18. I would feel disappointed, frustrated or sad if I couldn’t do ...

Dance!

Get outside as often as possible

Read

Health & Fitness, Yo

So now that I have identified this feeling as something we all experience when we make life transitions, my mind has felt a lot clearer. I am letting go of the exclamation marks. The, this ship is sinking, feeling.

Ah, doesn’t it always feel better when we make sense of our emotions? It’s actually really refreshing to accept that the old me is officially falling away and the new me is preparing for better things!

 

But, still, this month is about passion.

So something I have realized that feels foreign to me, but it ties my last post to this one as well, which is a weird karmic universe thing that I always notice. Anyway…

 

I think I have become passionate about health and fitness.

Insert big eye emoji here.

It’s LOTS of people’s passion so it’s not special. But for me, it’s weird and definitely special.

I enjoy working out and cooking healthy, but more than that I feel really passionate about fueling your body with the good, good. About working out because you LOVE yourself. I feel passionate about encouraging women to accept their worthiness.

au revoir

http://elitedaily.com/life/culture/25-disappointments-almost-every-25-year-old-experiences/863641/

 

okay, for whatever reason, this article just brought me so much peace. I have felt a weight lift over the last few days.

 

I can study passion and bring more passion into my life without feeling like I have FAILED myself just because I am not passionate with my career right now.

It’s okay to feel a little lost but I definitely need to cut myself a lot more slack!

 

I am a type-A personality. That means I am high strung. That means I have to-do lists. That means I am a perfectionist. That means when I set my focus on something, it DOES come to fruition.

 

I guess it’s because of this that it is nearly impossible for me to not get wrapped up in personal expectations. I focus so much on the details and the to-do lists that I forget to smile. I forget to laugh. It makes me sad to admit this but it is so true. When I get home from work and my boyfriend tries to hug me? All I can do is shrug him off and demand to know when he is going to wash dishes. Really? Dishes?

 

What does this have to do with passion, Kaitlyn? Well, for me, everything. Because I allow the mundane to get in the way of my smile. And therefore, my passions.

 

As William Bridges reminds us in his book Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes, transitions start with an ending. Just like a breakup with someone you hoped was “The One,” in major life transitions, you’re breaking up with an important season of your life. You’re cutting the anchor that held you in that port, and as it splashes in the water it’s bound to produce some waves.

 

I moved out of my mom’s house for the first time (and bought a house) and I have lost nearly 60 pounds. I am not only leaving that place, those familiarities, routines and memories, I am also leaving who I was in that place. Yeah, I feel a little lost. But who wouldn’t after making huge life changes? Maybe this feeling is (dramatic) me waving goodbye to that person.

 

It tends to be when you are stuck smack dab in this void of “what now?” where you make the most progress. Maybe my "quarter-life crisis" is not just a stage to pass over and get through, it’s a transition process. Letting the overwhelming questions of “I have no idea where I’m going” guide me to where I want to be!

Do Things.

“Who you are today… that’s who you are. Be brave. Be amazing. Be worthy. And every single time you get the chance? Stand up in front of people. Let them see you. Speak. Be heard. Go ahead and have the dry mouth. Let your heart beat so, so fast. Watch everything move in slow motion. So what. You what? You pass out, you die, you poop? No. You take it in. you breathe this rare air. You feel alive. You are yourself.” – Shonda Rimes, Year of Yes

 

 

As I sit here, I can’t even pinpoint when I started hiding in the shadows of my life. Because, while not overly social in college, I did literally move to Spain by myself. I didn’t know a single soul, just planned everything and hopped on a plane and moved. And that was that. And it was exhilarating and amazing and everything studying abroad is supposed to be.

 

Did my last relationship do it? Is that truly what wrecked me? I knew it was unhealthy but was it THAT unhealthy? I think it must have been the spiraling downwards. Once things got bad and I knew they would never get good again. . I think I started burying parts of me in hopes those parts would be saved from the heartbreak. And I forgot to dig them up again.

 

I used to LOVE doing things alone. I would go on beach vacations alone, I would try new things by myself. Why do I have this nearly blinding fear of new things? Where did that come from? Why do I allow it?

 

I need to stop letting irrational fears get in the way of WHO I AM. I am going to start accepting chances with an open heart when they come my way.

 

Tangent story: someone I am acquainted with applied to volunteer at the Superbowl and was selected. She accepted and spent time in San Fran and got to do that BY HERSELF. She said YES to a great experience. I felt so inspired by her. I applied to volunteer at next year’s Superbowl. If I get accepted, I will say yes.

 

Passion is great. But, it doesn’t even matter if I re-realize my passions if I am too busy saying no to doing anything about them.

 

My plan is this: do things.  Even when, at the surface, I don’t want to. Because I am probably just masking my fears.

Progress Report

PASSION PROGRES REPORT

 

I reconnected with my high school teacher that was so influential in my life. She totally made me feel better about life getting in the way, that it does for everyone at some point. She wants to get together (after she returns from a month in South Africa)

 

I have a reading list that I am getting started on this weekend to help work my way through some of the issues that come along with adulting and quarter life crises.

 

Prying my open back open. It’s actually painful to realize you let the world dictate how you spend 8 hours of your day, so I am gently letting my heart grow accustom to being dusted off. It’s time my head and my heart became friends again.

 

 

 

 

I’m not sad. I’m not unhappy. I just feel flat. Like I know I have SO MUCH to offer this world and I WANT to offer it. So please don’t misunderstand that my quest for passion is about ungratefulness or unhappiness. I am beyond grateful for the job that I have and the things it provides. I am grateful for the universe and the path it allowed me to take. I have a blessed life. It overwhelms me. But I have dreamed for more and I am destined for more.

 

So this month is about me remembering that destiny and honing in on breathing it back to life! In the meantime, don’t think I am glumming and slumming, I’m totally not! It’s just about me aligning the stars in my life to shine EVEN brighter. I am really excited, but it will be hard work, no doubt.

 

XOX

Quarter Life Crisis? Check

Studying passion is nearly causing me a quarter-life crisis.

 

A cubicle-bound job for only 2 years and I have already slammed into the realization that everyone comes to eventually; I will be here every day for the next 40+ years of my life. I am working to retire. Period.

 

“Don’t worry about what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ~Howard Thurman

 

Thank God I leaned into the discomfort of choosing passion as my word and am starting to dive back into remembering my passions. (I don’t think it’s DISCOVERING your passions, like so many say… they were always there, weren’t they? We just tend to let life derail us and get in the way.)

 

Life is short and it is precious, the best time to make change is NOW. No use hobnobbing around waiting until my actual midlife crisis.

 

I found this great article, http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/219709

 

 

It encourages 5 exercises to lead you in the direction of what your passion might be. I am omitting the fourth because for me, it doesn’t apply.

 

Revisit your childhood. What did you love to do?

 

See? Remembering your passions.

I loved to talk. If I wasn’t standing on the picnic table making impassioned speeches to rocks then I was literally standing in the street, talking to no one, but speaking nonetheless, usually directed at the fence posts. I loved to write short stories or create stories orally. Again, the talking. The being heard. I loved and ached to be outside. To be with nature. I had a very tender spot for animals and natural objects (trees, rocks, etc.) from a very early age.

 

Can these be translated into a career now?

 

Make a creativity board.

I have always been interested in creating an intention board. For fitness, mostly. But maybe I should make a larger board, half for health and fitness, half for career. Maybe they will surprise me by intersecting in ways I wouldn’t expect?

 

I know some of you have made creativity boards before, post photos on IG and tag me so I can get some inspo!

 

 

Make a list of people who are where you want to be.

This is straightforward. I think the distinction here is not making a list of people you WANT TO BE. But people who have achieved the goals you are now seeking to achieve.

 

Take a break from business thinking.

Stop thinking about it too much. Create. Laugh. Travel. Dance. Those are often the times when realizations come crashing down.

 

All of these things are on my to-do list. I need to sit down. Pour some tea. And get to work, cause this shit is important to me.

Baby Steps

“Here’s the key: there is no special passion waiting for you to discover. Passion is something that is cultivated. It can be cultivated in many, many different fields. Therefore, it doesn’t make sense to say, “I don’t know what my passion is.” What does make sense is to say, “I haven’t yet cultivated a passion, I should really focus down on a small number of things and start this process.”’

 

I love this. And it’s exactly what I am trying to start doing this month, cultivate. I don’t want to just fly into the wind and blindly leave a career to start a new one. I want to work at bringing a little more passion into my days and see where it leads me.

I am officially letting the universe know I am ready to start focusing on my passions, she never lets me down.

XO

This is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down...

I guess I better give the back story on why PASSION is even on my list of characteristics I need to acquire, yeah?

 

SHIT.

 

Day 2 and it’s already throwing my outside of my comfort zone.

 

This might get long and it will definitely get messy. Everything in my body right now is saying exclamation!!! stop typing, you don’t need to put it out there, just keep it buried, it’s fine.

 

I went to private Christian school from k-12. When I was 16, I was taking Spanish as my second language (there was actually no other choice) and I absolutely ADORED my Spanish teacher. I still love her. And miss her. I really need to reconnect with her. Anyway, I expressed that we should take a trip. What kind of trip? Like, you know, a mission’s trip. (Even back then, I was already not a religious person, and I didn’t want to go for religious reasons, but humanitarian ones…however, I knew it wouldn’t fly if I said that, so) Somehow, I don’t even know how, the trip got organized. We were going to Guatemala. I had NEVER been on a plane in my entire life and here we go, trip to Guatemala without family. I mean, why not? that’s how I do things. I speak it, and I make it mine (when I am passionate about it)

I fell head over heels over head over heels in LOVE with seeing another culture, I was instantly hooked on every aspect. The new language, the new cultural norms, the markets, everything. We did work in an orphanage and it would forever shape my heart. I don’t know if you have ever traveled to a third world country, but it will tear you up and it will spit you out. These babies, they lay there for hours because there aren’t enough hands to hold them, barely enough hands to feed them. I remember sitting in the rocker holding THREE babies at once, because they all needed my touch, and I needed them to feel loved. There was a 7 year old there and she fell in love with me, my Spanish was rough, but kids are super nice in that respect and they speak slow so you can understand. When I got back to the states, I routinely checked in on her until she got adopted. Her and her brother were both adopted by the same family in Texas, I bet she has grown into a beautiful young lady! Maria...

 

Fast forward, another year had gone by, I heard the call. We organized a trip to South Africa. Again, and this time for a longer period. We went to an orphanage and we mostly worked with an elementary school. We played. They braided my hair and thought it was hilarious that I have no pain tolerance in my scalp. I met and played with children who had been raped and given AIDS. More than I remember and more than my heart could bear to count.

 

And then I graduated high school.

 

And I went to college.

 

And I decided okay, my major will be international affairs, because then I will have a degree and I can go back to holding babies in orphanages.

 

And then I decided well, I will work in foreign policy and change the laws to help these children.

 

And then I graduated college.

 

And then I realized I needed money, vacation time, sick time, a 401k and I had no idea what to do with my life.

 

I didn’t want to move. Working in government meant moving. Because I was tied here by a relationship? Because I was just too afraid? Because the responsibilities of the world changed me?

 

And so, now, I work in banking. I don’t work with the public. I don’t HELP anyone. There is not one second of my work day that sparks passion, there is not one second of my day that I feel like I am leaving any kind of legacy.

 

I slammed the door. I slammed the door so hard the windows rattled.

 

I am hoping this month will shed light on whether I want to continue in this career path and have my passion on the side (after work and weekends) or if I want to move towards fully embracing my passion as a career. And if I do? What is that passion? How can I equate it into a career?

See? Shit. This month is going to be tough.

 

Hold my hand.

Passion, defined

Another month already!? Month 3 of my character challenge!

pas·sion

/ˈpaSHən/

noun: passion; plural noun: passions; noun: Passion; noun: the Passion

1. strong and barely controllable emotion.

•a state or outburst of strong emotion.

synonyms: (blind) rage, fit of anger/temper, temper, towering rage, tantrum, fury, frenzy

 

•intense sexual love.

synonyms: love, (sexual) desire, lust, ardor, infatuation, lasciviousness, lustfulness

 

•an intense desire or enthusiasm for something.

synonyms: fervor, ardor, enthusiasm, eagerness, zeal, zealousness, vigor, fire, fieriness, energy, fervency, animation, spirit, spiritedness, fanaticism More

 

•enthusiasm, love, mania, fascination, obsession, fanaticism, fixation, compulsion, appetite, addiction;

Informal thing

•a thing arousing enthusiasm

synonyms: obsession, preoccupation, craze, mania, hobbyhorse




Passion is a pretty big word with a plethora of synonyms and quite a few definitions. I'm a little hesitant to dive in this month because I know it will crack open doors that I closed firmly on purpose. But I am ready.


I plan on focusing most of my studies around my passion for health and fitness, passion in relationships, and perhaps most importantly, passion in my career.


XOX