This is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down...

I guess I better give the back story on why PASSION is even on my list of characteristics I need to acquire, yeah?

 

SHIT.

 

Day 2 and it’s already throwing my outside of my comfort zone.

 

This might get long and it will definitely get messy. Everything in my body right now is saying exclamation!!! stop typing, you don’t need to put it out there, just keep it buried, it’s fine.

 

I went to private Christian school from k-12. When I was 16, I was taking Spanish as my second language (there was actually no other choice) and I absolutely ADORED my Spanish teacher. I still love her. And miss her. I really need to reconnect with her. Anyway, I expressed that we should take a trip. What kind of trip? Like, you know, a mission’s trip. (Even back then, I was already not a religious person, and I didn’t want to go for religious reasons, but humanitarian ones…however, I knew it wouldn’t fly if I said that, so) Somehow, I don’t even know how, the trip got organized. We were going to Guatemala. I had NEVER been on a plane in my entire life and here we go, trip to Guatemala without family. I mean, why not? that’s how I do things. I speak it, and I make it mine (when I am passionate about it)

I fell head over heels over head over heels in LOVE with seeing another culture, I was instantly hooked on every aspect. The new language, the new cultural norms, the markets, everything. We did work in an orphanage and it would forever shape my heart. I don’t know if you have ever traveled to a third world country, but it will tear you up and it will spit you out. These babies, they lay there for hours because there aren’t enough hands to hold them, barely enough hands to feed them. I remember sitting in the rocker holding THREE babies at once, because they all needed my touch, and I needed them to feel loved. There was a 7 year old there and she fell in love with me, my Spanish was rough, but kids are super nice in that respect and they speak slow so you can understand. When I got back to the states, I routinely checked in on her until she got adopted. Her and her brother were both adopted by the same family in Texas, I bet she has grown into a beautiful young lady! Maria...

 

Fast forward, another year had gone by, I heard the call. We organized a trip to South Africa. Again, and this time for a longer period. We went to an orphanage and we mostly worked with an elementary school. We played. They braided my hair and thought it was hilarious that I have no pain tolerance in my scalp. I met and played with children who had been raped and given AIDS. More than I remember and more than my heart could bear to count.

 

And then I graduated high school.

 

And I went to college.

 

And I decided okay, my major will be international affairs, because then I will have a degree and I can go back to holding babies in orphanages.

 

And then I decided well, I will work in foreign policy and change the laws to help these children.

 

And then I graduated college.

 

And then I realized I needed money, vacation time, sick time, a 401k and I had no idea what to do with my life.

 

I didn’t want to move. Working in government meant moving. Because I was tied here by a relationship? Because I was just too afraid? Because the responsibilities of the world changed me?

 

And so, now, I work in banking. I don’t work with the public. I don’t HELP anyone. There is not one second of my work day that sparks passion, there is not one second of my day that I feel like I am leaving any kind of legacy.

 

I slammed the door. I slammed the door so hard the windows rattled.

 

I am hoping this month will shed light on whether I want to continue in this career path and have my passion on the side (after work and weekends) or if I want to move towards fully embracing my passion as a career. And if I do? What is that passion? How can I equate it into a career?

See? Shit. This month is going to be tough.

 

Hold my hand.