Do Things.

“Who you are today… that’s who you are. Be brave. Be amazing. Be worthy. And every single time you get the chance? Stand up in front of people. Let them see you. Speak. Be heard. Go ahead and have the dry mouth. Let your heart beat so, so fast. Watch everything move in slow motion. So what. You what? You pass out, you die, you poop? No. You take it in. you breathe this rare air. You feel alive. You are yourself.” – Shonda Rimes, Year of Yes

 

 

As I sit here, I can’t even pinpoint when I started hiding in the shadows of my life. Because, while not overly social in college, I did literally move to Spain by myself. I didn’t know a single soul, just planned everything and hopped on a plane and moved. And that was that. And it was exhilarating and amazing and everything studying abroad is supposed to be.

 

Did my last relationship do it? Is that truly what wrecked me? I knew it was unhealthy but was it THAT unhealthy? I think it must have been the spiraling downwards. Once things got bad and I knew they would never get good again. . I think I started burying parts of me in hopes those parts would be saved from the heartbreak. And I forgot to dig them up again.

 

I used to LOVE doing things alone. I would go on beach vacations alone, I would try new things by myself. Why do I have this nearly blinding fear of new things? Where did that come from? Why do I allow it?

 

I need to stop letting irrational fears get in the way of WHO I AM. I am going to start accepting chances with an open heart when they come my way.

 

Tangent story: someone I am acquainted with applied to volunteer at the Superbowl and was selected. She accepted and spent time in San Fran and got to do that BY HERSELF. She said YES to a great experience. I felt so inspired by her. I applied to volunteer at next year’s Superbowl. If I get accepted, I will say yes.

 

Passion is great. But, it doesn’t even matter if I re-realize my passions if I am too busy saying no to doing anything about them.

 

My plan is this: do things.  Even when, at the surface, I don’t want to. Because I am probably just masking my fears.