Self-Happiness

The biggest thing I have learned about being genuine in all of this? One hundred other things stem from choosing to be true to yourself (or not choosing). Your self-esteem rests on you getting to know and love yourself. The self at your core.

 

I have noticed, this month more than ever, since putting a magnifying glass over authenticity that once you know yourself, you can genuinely be happy for others. You can lift other women up and be GENUINE about it. You don’t have other motives, you don’t feel like you are less because they are more in a certain area. You let her shine when it is her moment. THAT is a sign of self-happiness. When you no longer feel threatened by any other human on this earth because you cherish all that makes you unique and whole and wonderful.

 

I didn’t use to be like that. I used to be bitter. Really, really bitter towards other women. I thought they were all catty and horrible and mean especially the pretty ones. Now that I have grown up and grown into a woman that I know and love, I see that a lot differently. There are some beautiful, kind and very fiercely loving women on this planet. How dare I give them a cold shoulder or a snarky comment because I don’t think they are just as worthy of friendship and love as I am? I am so glad I have rid myself of that jealousy and bitterness. I am lighter because of it, I get to become friends with some amazing ladies that I wouldn’t have been able to get to know before.

Self-love and self-happiness both hinge on being being truly genuine. The sooner you embrace that the sooner your life will be more fulfilling!

XOX

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Emotional Feelin'

Being genuine is being true to your emotions.
YIKES!

Here is a heavy topic. Acknowledging your emotions. Do you follow a pattern to numb your feelings so you don’t have to acknowledge them? Overeating? Playing games or social media? Working out for hours on end? Drinking a little (or a lot) too much? Try to recognize if you are using behavior to numb your mind so you don’t have to feel your emotions. Are you? Try stopping...taking some deep breaths and just ask yourself “how am I feeling?” whatever bubbles to the surface is probably what you are trying to avoid.

Identify your feelings. I forget what book or blurb I read that said to imagine your emotional self as a blue sky. The sky is always blue. No matter what the weather is like. Clouds may pass over the sky, rain clouds, nimbus clouds, funnel, it might even rain or storm. But those will eventually pass over and the sky will be blue again. Think of your emotions in this way, say them out loud and watch them float over your blue sky. (This comparison have given me a lot of comfort, I am an anxious person by nature so it calms me down to focus constants, such as my blue sky!)

Stop judging yourself for your emotions. You aren’t too emotional and you are not being unreasonable. You are a human being that has feelings that need acknowledged. Your emotions connect directly to WHO are you ARE. Being true to you is being true to your emotions.

I sometimes find myself trying to shove an emotion away because I would rather not deal with it right now or I know the other person doesn’t want to deal with it. But that isn’t healthy and that’s not solving any problems. I take a few minutes to acknowledge what I feel and why I am feeling it, literally sometimes I have to speak out loud “hurt” “happy” or “sad” or “disappointed”. Find what works for you - sometimes it’s great to do some yoga stretches to acknowledge and let go of your emotions, it could even be a hot bath (personal favorite method). At times it is truly difficult to be true to your emotions and it makes us feel exhausted; make sure you are taking time for you and realizing this is a critical step to being genuine.

Fake it Until You Make it?

"Fake it until you make it."

I get it, put on a strong face and just get through it. This works for certain areas such as knowledge. Like, I have no idea what I am doing at this new job or task, but I will fake it until I make it. That works. But, that saying doesn’t always work, and it definitely isn’t always healthy, especially when it comes to relationships.

People can SENSE when you are faking an emotional aspect to a relationship, there are scientific reasons as to why. But I am not a scientist by any meaning of the definition. However, you know what I am talking about. People can just TELL you aren’t being genuine, they might not be able to tell right off, but it will catch up to you and be off-putting (the opposite of what you wanted, right?)

You don’t need to entertain these people, there is plenty of entertainment elsewhere. And that is, essentially, what you are doing when you put on your mask to please others. There is no other ‘you’ out there, there is nothing more impressive than someone unashamed or unafraid to be themselves.

One thing that a friend recently pointed out to me was that I have a lot of confidence and she wishes she could be like me. And I do, but I haven’t always. My confidence came from getting to know myself, loving her, nourishing her and being TRUE to her.

When you become true to yourself you will find that most, if not all, of your insecurities will fall away and you will be less scared to show your true self to the world. That will in turn lead to much deeper and more meaningful relationships (romantic and otherwise) and in the long run, that’s what counts.

XOX,

The Instagram Effect

I remember a time before social media. I even remember a time before smartphone was a word. Social media is wonderful for lots of reasons, my favorite being the interconnectedness that it allows you with people you never would have met otherwise. But, unfortunately, social media has much to do with authenticity and the lack thereof. How you present yourself versus how you really are.

 

Your "real self" is what you are - your qualities, characteristics, and personality. Your "ideal self" is what you feel you should be; mostly due to societal and environmental influences. Especially when those influences are in your face 24/7. I would LOVE to have a super artsy and beautiful Instagram of these great coffee shops, bookstores and outdoor spaces. But guess what, those highly edited shots are just what people are CHOOSING to show. (which is fine) They may be a photographer, so their food and face and everything might always have the best lighting and the best filters BUT that doesn’t mean that’s what their life really looks like offline. Realize that before you start comparing your feed (and yourself).

 

Being genuine means you take care to align your “real self” and your “ideal self”. There is absolutely nothing wrong with striving for goals to become a better person but PLEASE realize that you are who you are and your little journey to be better might not work. Some of my words that I have chosen to tackle over the next year…they might not all stick, they will have varying degrees of success. One of my words is patient, in the grain of my being, I am not a patient person. I’m just not. I accept that. And while I want to work on it, I know I will never be able to sit by and wait for things for very long. KNOW THAT IT’S OKAY TO BE EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE. It’s okay for our little self-growth experiments to fail. Realize social media can be smoke and mirrors and filters and good lighting. Know that the person behind the lens has as many flaws as you do, maybe they just aren’t as comfortable as you at showing them.

Don’t create an inflated unrealistic version of yourself, just know who you are and flaunt the shit out of her.

Your online self and offline self should be the same self.

 

MUCH love,

Society Probs

http://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2015/11/8-reasons-its-so-hard-to-be-genuine-in-a-society-thats-uncomfortable-with-radical-honesty/

 

THIS. Thisthisthisthis.

 

8 Reasons It’s So Hard To Be Genuine In A Society That’s Uncomfortable With Radical Honesty

(also I don't know why this can't count to 8 instead of 4 but let's just go with it)

1. If society had a mantra, it would be: “Be yourself… No, not like that!”
   This one speaks for itself, doesn’t it? And isn’t it so true? Thankfully (at a very slow pace) this is finally being challenged with movements like Eff Your Beauty Standards.
    
2. People only like authenticity when it’s comforting, not when it makes them question their own choices and ideals.
   Don’t be afraid to be yourself just because it is going to challenge someone else. It’s hard when we lose support of loved ones because we spoke our opinion and the easy thing to do would be to abandon our own opinions to make them feel comfortable with us again. Do not do that. Seriously.
    
3. “Following your own path” is terrifying – because it’s unknown.
   Growing up is SO SCARY. I went to university and got good grades and I really enjoyed my time there. BUT, looking back, I guess I only went because it was what was expected of me. And now, I have a career that doesn’t require my degree or a degree at all, and I wonder, if someone would have told me that I didn’t HAVE to go, if I would have wound up with the same career without the debt. So, just because it’s not what everyone else is doing, as long as you are smart about it and it’s something you believe in, just do it. Be prepared for scary. Scary is better than numb. Scary is real.
    
4.  We think that being genuine is being radically happy, because you’re just “doing what you want.”
   Yeah, not so much. Maybe you have realized you can’t be yourself at work and you have chosen to pursue a new career that will make you happier, but you are foregoing financial stability for a while. That wouldn’t make me happy. But it’s just important and it’s still you choosing authenticity.

1. Most people can’t see anything as valid unless they agree with it.
   So, you can be genuine always, or, you can choose to keep your mouth shut around the people you know are going to make a scene because they can’t hear anyone’s opinion besides their own. Sometimes, usually, they just aren’t worth our own true selves or our energy.
    
2. We’re a world of overthinkers, and when we’re not overthinking our own lives, we’re making judgments about other people’s.
   If it bothers you that people might judge you in this lifetime, you need to work on self-esteem. As long as YOU are happy with you, don’t ever let anyone else bother you. They might hurt your feelings and they might embarrass you, but when you look in that mirror, you be proud and know you put your best foot forward. Don’t let bored people hinder your awesomeness.
    
3. It seems impossible to be honest about not wanting to hang out, or be friend with someone, or tell them that you think they should reconsider a choice, without mortally offending them.
   I’ve always been a little too honest, really. My friends will come to me for my opinion because they know I won’t filter. I just think life is too short and if you want my opinion, I will give it. This has offended friends in the past and I don’t think they understand that I don’t HAVE to agree with you or support you. Maybe you think I should, but if I don’t agree with something, I’m not going to say I do just to make you feel better. And that doesn’t mean I love you any less, really, it’s the opposite. HOWEVER, I really have to stop saying we will get together, when I don’t mean it. I’M GETTING BETTER, OK?
    
4. We think that we can only be friends with people who we agree with on everything.
   Relationships are a two way street, just because you are okay with having differing viewpoints doesn’t mean they will be. When you change your life, be ready to change friends. Sometimes, we are really lucky and they take it in stride and love our new selves. But, sometimes, you will no longer have commonalities and that strains the relationship to a point where it’s best to go separate ways. Example, I was previously someone who would go out for drinks and dinner whenever asked, stay out super late and get too drunk. When I decided to be healthy that meant no more bars because I have an alcohol problem, and that meant fewer dinners because I feel more comfortable making my own meals. When the annual bar crawls came around this past time, I had to decline, but I made sure to offer to stay awake in case anyone needed a safe ride home or a place to crash. The dynamics will change as you change, don’t let that scare you away from choosing to improve yourself. And don’t let that scare you from saying hey guys, this is who I really am, I wasn’t sure if you would like the real me, but I am tired of wearing a mask. Vulnerability = authenticity.

 

Are You Being Authentic?

http://www.inc.com/kevin-daum/7-ways-people-know-you-aren-t-being-authentic.html

 

In my research for authenticity, I stumbled upon this. 7 Ways People Know You Aren’t Being Authentic.

1. You hold grudges
   I like that they (sort of) equate letting go of a grudge as forgiving oneself. I like that. And it's important not to bog yourself down with emotional baggage; grudges say more about you than they do of the person who you are holding it towards.
2. You always go with the crowd
   I personally don’t feel this applies to trends, if you like to be trendy, be trendy. (I like to be trendy, you can call me ‘basic’ if you want, I’ll stick with trendy) But I think it has more to do with agreeing with a political or religious agenda that is popular at the time but you find doesn’t line up with your values. It’s okay to go against the grain when it involves standing up for who you are (even if no one else is agreeing at that point in time)
3. You don’t keep your agreements
   I struggle with this SO MUCH. I am SUCH  a homebody who also fiercely loves trying new things. WELL aren’t those just a contradiction? I often find myself right in the middle of said contradiction. I will have to get better about this before month’s end. I have to start really considering saying ‘yes’ to the dinner or party before giving the answer so that I won’t have to take it back later or make a ridiculous excuse (super guilty)
4. You don’t take care of yourself
   Up until fairly recently, this was me. It felt SO good to get healthy again because I think it is such a mental thing before it becomes physical. I was ready to be the best me and stand beside her and cheer her on. Before getting healthy I would have done or said anything just to blend into the crowd and draw little to no attention (not good for authenticity)
5. You act like a perfectionist
   I don’t necessarily agree with this point. I would like to think you could be a perfectionist and be real at the same time, just so long as you don’t think you are actually perfect. There is no perfect. But you can still want to get as close as possible with your work. And I think perfect is a relative term, anyway.
6. You say yes all the time
   Definitely get comfortable with ‘no’. Sometimes I struggle with this (see above, not keeping agreements) because I want to please everyone. I am starting to see that people value honesty and realness over a placating answer. Working on this one!
7. You don’t practice what you preach
   Consistency! Such an important aspect to ‘keeping it real’ – if your actions and behaviors don’t line up day in and day out, odds are your masks are clashing. When you finally take off the masks, you will always walk the walk and talk the talk because you won’t be busy chasing your tail trying to switch your opinions based on your setting. Demonstrate integrity. Be true to your word.