Thursday, January 21, 2016

Practice Makes Perfect

When is it the hardest to persevere? Right when you're in the middle of something triggering you to want to quit, of course.


I am a hypochondriac, it ties in with my anxiety. Here is a story of how and when I realized the true scope of my hypochondria:
I was sitting in one of my science classes in University when I noticed my hands were looking blue. I ignored it and tried to focus on the lecture, but as time went on I kept noticing they were looking bluer and bluer. I started to feel the rising panic, my chest started to tighten. I tried rubbing my hands on my jeans to get circulation; my hands got bluer. I went to the bathroom to try to gather myself and make a phone call, because at this point, I was having a panic attack. I called my boyfriend at the time, frantic and crying, begging him to please do something to help me. I washed my hands, the blueness faded. I thought, what in the world? Is there something on my hands?? I tried to take deep breaths and think, and then it dawned on me, I was wearing brand new dark wash jeans. The dye from the jeans had been rubbing off on my hands. I was not losing CIRCULATION, and I just had a panic attack over nothing.
Funny, right? But I cannot distance myself from thinking the worst when it comes to my health and it often ends in panic attacks and tears. Earlier this week, my period came early. Early as in, I still had one pill left in my pack before the week of sugar pills. I felt my palms get sweaty, my mind started racing. I convinced myself that I MUST be pregnant, because I had taken antibiotic earlier in the month, and that must be what the bleeding was. I frantically googled, begged my boyfriend to do something, and eventually resigned to laying in bed crying. My cramps were worse than normal, the bloating seemed worse. Everything suddenly sharpened into focus and I couldn't believe this was happening, what could be wrong? For years my period has run like clockwork, never early, never late. But as I thought about it, when I was super in shape and eating healthy before, my period was a little wonkier. So, maybe this is my normal.


The point of me telling you those stories is that I can either let my hypochondria completely debilitate me, or I can shove the anxiety to the side and PERSEVERE. I had to do that this week, I wanted to lay there in my anxiety and not move until the thing scaring me went away, but I didn't. I kept going through the motions and the anxiety loosened because of it.


The circumstances that will arise when you need perseverance the most will never be easy, but just dig deeper than your fear, anxiety, sadness, whatever your emotional trigger may be and focus on the task at hand. You will feel better once you power through.


XOX

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